Muffin Girl

I have been feeling kind of down lately. It just hit me like a train. Usually, when I feel sad I tend to go back to my room and take deep cleansing breaths, but this time I felt compelled to share my story. I spoke with my close friend and sometimes when I explain her things she doesn't quite understand, unless I use an analogy. My analogy to explain my situation is the muffin girl.

My close friend been telling me that I am a nice girl, but I don't want to be just the "nice" girl. I want to be someone people come to for fun. When we first started this conversation, I said that if there was a new neighbor in town, I would be the one to walk over and introduce myself. I would be the one to have a pie in my hands and offer it to my neighbor as a sign of welcoming. I would ask the neighbor if he/she would like to come over and watch a movie later tonight. My new neighbor would regard me as a friendly person, and possibly a cookie-cutter girl for baking pies for the new neighbor.

After I leave, the new neighbor encounters his/her other next door neighbor, who is known to party till 3AM. The new neighbor really likes how interesting his other neighbor is, and would really like the idea of partying more than going to watch a movie with me. My new neighbor knows I am nice, but I am not as "fun" as the other neighbor.

Once I was finishing explaining, my friend gave me a confused look, so I took a different approach. I explained my "Muffin Girl" metaphor.

I am the muffin girl. I am the girl at the school giving away free muffin and flyers to advertise people to come to my party. There would be people would take my muffin, but won't come to my party. Others would come to my party, but to eat more muffins and leave forever. Lastly, there are people would keep coming to my party, but only to eat my muffins. However, there are those people who I offer my muffins, but they won't take it because of dietary reasons (I don't know). For those particular people, I think my muffins are good, I baked them at 5AM with love, and I don't understand why some people would not take them. This is regardless of the main point.

Overall, I feel like people just want me for my muffin and no one wants to spend time with me at the party. I want be with someone, who likes me not only because of my muffin. Hopefully, if we are close he/she would bake muffins with me or in general bake. We can bake cookies, brownies, cake, madeleines, etc. I mean you name it. Sometimes I feel that I have try hard to get people to come to my party like baking muffins, when there are people who don't have to try and people show to their parties. If a person who said to one other person they were having a party, the whole school knows. The whole school then shows up to that person's party. Do you see the contrast? I have to design flyers and bake heart-felt muffins to let people know about it and the person does not have to put effort.

My dilemma is that I am in option three. There are people in my life, where they keep coming to my house and eating my muffins, but they only spend time with because of muffins. These "people" are ones that I thought I was close with, because it seems like they like to spend time with me. It is only just recently did I realize it was the muffins or at least I think it is.

I am so confused right now. These people who are in my life are nice people, and I begin to doubt my assumption and gives an excuse that they were having a bad week. In addition, I don't want to stop giving them my muffins, when the reason is they had a rough day. I think that would not be nice and you don't do that to those that are close to you.

If you can help me with this problem, please leave a comment below. I hope you like this story and keep on a look out for next Wednesday's edition of "Personal Wednesday".